Romantic Love vs. Friendship Love



In class, we read "The Snow Queen", by Hans Christian Andersen, in which the main characters Kay and Gerda love each other, but as if they were brother and sister, or very close friends. This friendly love is shown throughout most of the story, however toward the end of the story that line begins to get blurred, as they engage in many displays of affection including hand-holding and kissing. I wanted to expand on the differences between romantic love and friendship love.

In most forms of media (and consequently, in real life), the initial stages of romantic love can typically be characterized by physical attraction, based on the superficial features of one's body. We saw this in Bambi, when the two skunks appear to fall in love without even saying a single word to each other. On the other hand, friendship love is almost always characterized by emotional attraction, usually to one's personality traits or experiences. This is the kind of love we see in most PBS Kids shows like Arthur (although, there are some instances where the kids get a little fruity).

In media, romantic love is also usually portrayed as heterosexual love, whereas friendships are usually between the same gender. Although we know that in the real world, gender does not actually determine love, it is interesting to note that the male-female relationships we see in media are heavily skewed toward romantic love rather than friendship. Thankfully, the landscape is changing and we are starting to see more variation in the types of relationships in media. Using Arthur as an example again, Mr. Ratburn (the main teacher in the show) was revealed to be gay in a 2019 episode titled "Mr. Ratburn and the Special Someone".




Comments

  1. Katy TurnerMarch 5, 2021 at 1:57 PM

    I also think it's good that different types of relationships are being shown in the media! It is very exhausting sometimes constantly seeing virtually every different gendered friendship turn into something romantic, when that is just not how life works. Do you think the portrayal of more non-heterosexual relationships will actually help this stereotype or just include non-heterosexual relationships in the stereotype that it's hard to be friends with people you could be attracted to?

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  2. Derek DeliberatesMarch 7, 2021 at 12:17 PM

    I agree with your point about how male-female relationships in media are almost always romanticized— I think it speaks to a larger culture of heteronormativity, where male-female relationships are assumed to be inherently sexual. Also, I love that gay characters are being featured on television nowadays; however, as Katy brought up, I think it brings up newer conversations about what diversity entails: yes, I want gay characters— but those gay characters should be played by gay actors, and portrayed in a way that doesn't perpetuate harmful stereotypes. So how do we, as consumers of mediaa, push not just for diversity but also cultural authenticity?

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  3. Lisa AndresMarch 13, 2021 at 9:26 AM

    This is a good expansion of the way the different types of love are portrayed in the media, Edison -- what do you see as the larger effects of this portrayal? In either Andersen's story, or more contemporary media? The examples you mentioned are primarily children's media, so how could that affect the way children understand "love" as they grow up? Does this match your own experiences?

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